Be the adult that the teenaged you could only dream of being

I think that most young people have an idea about what they want to do when they grow up. For me, it took a while to figure that out. The key was retraining to become a teacher, where I finally discovered that who I would be is more important than what I was doing. Only then was I truly able to become the "adult" of my dreams.

When I was very young, the first thing I remember wanting to be was a pink flamingo. That way, I could look pretty, pink, and stand on one foot all day. This plan however was short lived, as I soon discovered that one could not simply choose to be another species in order to get out of choosing a career.

Next, I wanted to be a ballerina. That way, I could be graceful and poised, like a real life princess. Even though I was still young, I knew it was too late. Some girls start dancing at 2 years old to become professional dancers in the future. When I went to my first dance class at 4 years old, I ignored the instructor, and ran around the room in my leotard and special shoes (in truth, the outfit was the only part I really liked!)

Following that, I wanted to be a famous novelist. That way, I could tell stories to make other people happy. While writing is still something I love and have done throughout my career, I never settled on an idea that would be my book. Such indecision and self criticism resulted in many partial drafts, and unexpressed feelings.

Going into high school now, I wanted to be a fashion designer. That way, I could be exactly like my favourite Aunt, who was able to travel all around the world, and make a name for herself. She also had so much self confidence, and a contagious cheerfulness that I wished I too could exude. During this time, I was a very shy person, and lacked the belief that I could truly be of any use to this world without definitive and performable talents. I studied hard, and achieved academically, but lacked an end goal that was truly mine and mine alone.

When it came time to put in my course preferences for university, I put down a range of schools and fields. In the end, I opted for a Media and Communications degree as it allowed me to incorporate my skills in English and design (over other courses including dentistry, psychology, journalism, fine arts, and graphic design). It was also a practical choice, as this degree would allow me to qualify for a larger number of jobs, in a continually growing field. I thought that by the end of my 4 year degree, I would surely discover my passion, and know what I really wanted to do.

As the years passed, I learnt a lot, and gained some more confidence in expressing my ideas to others. During university, I also taught swimming teaching, which took my people skills from a one to a nine. Talking with colleagues, parents, and students from 6 months to 89 years of age allowed me to come out of my shell, but most importantly provided me with a taste of what it was like to feel like I was fulfilling a purpose. Swimming aside, I lived for the anecdotes from students, and they too were happy to spend that half an hour with me a week to learn something new in their class of peers.

As I neared the end of my Bachelor's degree, I felt reluctant to give up what had become my normal routine for 4 years. If I wasn't at university, I was teaching swimming, and shift free weekends were rarely a thing. For a while, I considered staying at the University of Sydney to get a Doctorate and become a lecturer. That way, I could stay in the comfort zone I had curated. However, as my peers graduated and moved onto exciting and diverse jobs in the Media and Communications industry, I began to experience what is now known as FOMO (Fear of Missing Out). While I enjoyed my additional studies, I decided that I could return to study whenever I liked, so I decided to start sending out job applications.

Fast forward approximately 2 and a half years, and 3 corporate media jobs later, Covid happened. While lockdown was difficult to endure, I decided to make the most of the time by studying Korean, playing monopoly, and getting my Master's degree. In truth, I had done many things in my professional career so far. I had published articles, made and maintained websites, generated sales, curated quality customer experiences (CX), coordinated and ran corporate events for 200+ banking and finance executives, but when I stopped for a moment to breathe, I lacked a dream. I was definitely keeping busy and learning, but I didn't see what future I was truly working so hard for. While I was doing a lot, I didn't stop to consider what it was that I truly wanted to do.

When I started my Master's degree, I definitely felt like I had made the right decision to retrain as a teacher. I enjoyed learning about the curriculum, as well as pedagogical strategies and approaches I could adopt to help students on their learning journeys. It was fulfilling to design units of work and assessment tasks, as I found myself feeling excited for when I could deliver content to a real (rather than hypothetical) group of students. My practical experiences also proved to me that the decision to change my career was one of the best decisions I have ever made. In each school I have worked at, I was able to form connections with the staff, students, and units of work that I would need to bring to life. When I was in front of the classroom and delivering content I had worked so hard to prepare for the first time, it was so rewarding to see how the students engaged with the tasks, and developed their skills and knowledge.

Being at St Luke's Catholic College, I come to school every day with a smile, and I look forward to collaborating with my team teachers to help drive inquiry focused learning. For my career trajectory, I needed to stop for a moment and ask myself the 'why?' question: Why am I doing what I am doing? My pedagogy coach highlighted to me this term that a lesson must have a clear 'why', so that students will be driven to learning and critical thinking. This is why clear learning intentions and a success criteria are essential for each and every lesson. At times in learning and in life, it can be easy to be caught up in the motion. If you do more than you think, you will find yourself filling your days with tasks to complete within allotted times. In learning and in life, you must have a 'why', and you must remember to be the hero of your own story.

Now that I have found my career, I have stopped asking myself what I want to be when I grow up. I now have the chance to ask my students what they want to be, and I can actively help them achieve their dreams. On this, I have also come to see myself as a grown up, as I am now in the position to have a positive impact on the next generation. There is no more "when I grow up, I'll...", as the wait is over. Now is the time to be the person I have always wanted to be. Since the passing of my beautiful Aunt who lived in Texas from the Delta variant of Covid 19, it has been even more important to me to live my life to the fullest, and to be the person that I can admire and be proud of. I always wanted to be exactly like her: confident, cheerful, fun, compassionate, and free. Going through the motions of life wasn't cutting it, but now I feel like I can truly do my best to make her proud each day.

When I was a teenager, I thought an adult was red lipstick, mascara, pencil skirts, and high heels, but in truth, adulthood is not skin deep, or dependent on age. Today and every day, I do what I wished I had the confidence to do in my teens: to smile through the hard times, to trust in others, to be present and cheerful, and to accept myself as I am, flaws and all. I am excited to continue on my learning journey as an educator, as I now see the light at the end of the tunnel.

Video:

Amanda Genz. 2016, Scars to your beautiful - Alessia Cara (Lyrics), online video, viewed on 22 March 2022, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vWfjlIMiqBg&list=RDvWfjlIMiqBg&start_radio=1